First Aid

Today at the office we had a medical emergency. Somehow, a staff member managed to break themselves by stretching.

How?

I don't know. I didn't want to get too close to the screaming.

It didn't matter anyhow, because being a modern-ish corporate-ish office we have trained first-aiders on staff. Yes we do.

Admittedly, they were slow to react to my ever-so-slightly high-pitched calls for help and violent arm-waving. And when I say they, I mean her because the others were inconveniently taking leave as though they were entitled to it.

Never mind the wait, the first aider arrived and I pushed them in front of me. I mean, in front of the patient.

And then the calm tones of the first aider announced, 'What do I do? I'm only good at putting on bandages.'

Yeah. Wow. Thanks.

I suggested that she take a pulse (there's a first aid course deep in my past too) but there was a frantic head shake accompanied by the useless information that she could perform CPR.

Of course she could. However, as that would kill the perfectly heart-beating specimen in front of her I declined this kind offer and shooed her away.

Luckily the medical emergency passed as quickly as my confidence that someone could assist.

The first aider went back to sign out a plaster in case that would help.