Introverts

Despite being half of the population (or maybe more, we do keep to ourselves after all) introverts just don't have a lot of events catered to their needs.

Next week, we're going to be offsite for two days of torture discussion about the strategy and direction of our unit for the coming year.

I know, right? Bundles of fun all around.

In addition to this horror-show being slowly drawn out over two full working days, I've been belatedly informed that on the first day I'm also attending (that's an order) a delightful evening meal to commence directly after our fun-filled extravaganza of a strategy day.

There are certain rules that should guide all planning sessions that involve introverts.

Rule Number One: Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone. Give them alone time.

This is the ultimate rule that should always be observed. If you fail to follow this rule you'll have a group of burned out, irritable people making up approximately fifty percent of your group. It may not be the origin of 'going postal' but it certainly mimics many of the key features.

Rule Number Two: Introverts like being invited to things. Invite them to things. They can then turn you down politely.

Just because I would rather gouge my eyes out than be trapped at a table in a restaurant for a meal that's going to be served long after I've stopped feeling hungry, and the digestion of which will keep me awake long past my bedtime, doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited.

On the other hand the key word here is invitation. I don't want to go. Don't make me go. If you make me go you're breaking rule number one, and you won't like me when I'm over-socialised.

Rule Number Three: If you break rules one and two I will take introverted revenge.

Okay, you extraverts. You catered for your own needs. You planned things out your own way. You think things are going to be pretty sweet during the social days from hell.

You're especially looking forward to going out for a nice meal afterwards. I bet you're planning on making it last for a really long time so you can wring maximum enjoyment out of it. I can hear you ordering your dessert course now and making me realise that I'm at least half an hour away from freedom.

I've got one word for you.

Statistics.

You think you can trick me into participating in lively discussions all day long, and then unwind later over a long degustation? I've got a few more one-words.

Analysis.

Oh, is that a bit more social fun you're trying to force down my throat?

Spreadsheets.

Really? It's compulsory to join in the group activity and role-play?

Powerpoint.

Yeah, you just try to run.