That was the full extent of my escapades. I heard people talking about it, but whatever. I don't have friends so I don't need to keep in touch. Facebook was for other people.
And then I became a self-published author and discovered that apparently Facebook was meant for me.
I dipped my toe in. I created a "Page" (which is somehow separate from yet part of my overall account?) and I added a few bits and bobs to it. Then it all looked too hard so I deleted it again a half-hour later. It was so confusing that when Facebook asked me if I was sure I wanted to delete the page I didn't know. I had to try it twice before I clicked Confirm.
So I went about my daily life thinking, everyone else has a Facebook page, I don't want a Facebook page, I should have a Facebook page, I don't understand a Facebook page.
It's nice to have a personal chant going on back there. Soothing.
But when I went on holiday I thought, now's the time. I should try again. I'm not the kind of girl to let technology beat me. I bought and sold my (first) Google Glass before most of New Zealand even figured out how to buy them.
Of course the real issue isn't that Facebook is technology - that's just part of its disguise. The real problem is the social in social media. That's like people. And as mentioned above I don't have any friends. Something genetic to do with lacking any empathy or interest in other humans. I have my darling at home and my work-wife in the office, and a bunch of people that I trade sarcasm with (at least I think I'm trading - I've never stuck round long enough after my comments to find out for sure) and that's enough for me.
First I filled out a bunch of information. Tick, tick, tick. No I'm not putting my address details in! Are you crazy? I don't know who all is on the Internet but judging from forums at least half of them are Hitler.
Then I had to design my page. I had to POST something. It was like a postcard but you had to design the picture and not get too specific 'cause it's not going to someone you know.
And then... relax. Just sit back because now people are going to visit your page and Like you. Just to get them started Facebook prompted me to Like my own page.
I felt a bit like Carrie voting for herself at the Prom, but I followed orders because if I didn't maybe something social would break.
It only took a week for a random to like me - thus doubling the popularity of my Author Page.
Looking at the results from this I determined that social media wasn't going to do me any good at all at this rate. Surely the point was to inform people about myself and my work. Informing two people - one of them myself - about these things seemed like a slight waste of time. Delete page?
Nope - I went for Door Number Two. Advertise. On Facebook. Yeah baby, I'm in the big leagues now.
This has opened up a whole new world to me. Now, instead of writing or reading or thinking of random places to take photographs of my book or drawing (book covers okay, not just for enjoyment because I'm not into that any longer) I can instead sit in front of my computer clicking refresh. Occasionally I redesign the ad by changing a word or two, or uploading a new picture, or selecting a different age range and country of people to display my ad to.
Yip. It's a sweet life. If you'd like to contribute to the cause please feel free to click the Like button below. After all, I like you.