Tuesday, 28 October 2014


This evening I've somehow managed to aspirate some spit.

Oh yeah, warning. Don't read this if you're eating tea. Or breakfast. Or a meal not particularly associated with any time of the day.

It's been a good two hours now, and I'm still having bouts of coughing. And a stabbing pain in my left lung. At least I think it's my left lung. There's a possibility it's my heart, but that's okay. At least then I could take down the detractors who insist I don't have a heart. More reassuringly I've researched heart attack symptoms, almost as much as I've researched hypochondria, and I'm certain that it would more resemble a heavy weight in the middle of my chest than a slim stab to the left. Fairly certain. A bit sure.

Anyone know a good doctor?

Anywhoo, I was looking up to see who was in danger from aspiration pneumonia. Because if you can't have Ebola you make other stuff up. And guess who is most likely to suffer from aspiration pneumonia? Frail people. Old people who can't sit up. People who are hospitalised and forced to lie flat for weeks on end. People who don't have enough muscle tone in their throats to swallow.

Mmmmhmmm - you read that right. I'm being compared with people who are so wasted (not in the good way) that they don't even have the strength to swallow anymore. That's tube feeding stage. No use pulling out the blender and a spoon, oh no - I'm too far gone for that.

Of course what I'm most concerned about isn't me. It's the wellbeing of the people of Canterbury who rip themselves open on something and bleed a copious amount of B+ blood that needs replenishment. It's all about the giving, you know. Not the taking. I give away 500g of blood. I hardly care at all that it results in an immediate loss of - oh I don't know - about half a kilo or so in weight.

I'm scheduled in to donate tomorrow morning. If I really am in the process of contracting aspiration pneumonia (just rolls of the tongue by now doesn't it?) I won't be allowed to do that. I won't get my half kilo of weight loss. I won't get my free biscuit and cup of tea! I won't get my hour off work!!!

All about the giving. Right now I'm giving up and going to bed. Goodnight, I'll speak to you again.

If I make it.

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